Day 2: Back to Work

Luckily my first day back to work PB fell on a Wednesday which is a day I don't teach any classes. Even though I slept for about 10 hours, I did not feel well when I woke up. Had myself a good cry in the shower to try and get it out of my system. Plan failed. It took a whole 30mins at school before I was in tears again. But I only have myself to blame for that. I made the no.1 golden rule mistake and made contact. Weak. Of course my intention was a casual, "sister is coming to get my things....I'll give you your blah blah when I get back...." Instead of leaving it at that as I should have done, I word-vomit typed some sounding needy question to try and get some answers.

Now let me clarify for anyone reading who is unfamiliar with this relationship (that would be everyone because this is a secret blog)- It was bound to happen. We knew from the very first instance of flirting that it was a bad idea 2 and half years ago. We knew when we broke up the first time that we had issues. I knew when I ended it the second time that the issues weren't going to be fixed. And yet here we were, on our third go around, and we did an excellent job of ignoring the issues. Things were great. I was dating a completely different guy and I think I had become a different girl. But the issues were always there, we just decided we cared about each other enough to ignore them.

So when I made the mistake of asking a question, I just wanted to know what brought about this sudden clarity on his part. I've been questioning things for awhile, and I think deep down I knew it wasn't meant to be, but I can't shake this feeling that something happened suddenly on his side. The most confusing part for me is the Facebook flirting before we had even broken up. Clear indication that you were done yet I didn't know that yet. I can't believe it would come to that sort of end after a year+ of a really great, caring relationship.

So, I feel like I need some closure, and I had a moment of weakness and asked. It didn't go well. I didn't get any answer and I left the conversation feeling like the weaker party in this breakup. Luckily I left my power cord at home and had a good excuse to ask to leave for a few minutes. I let myself have a good hard sob at home before going back and I know it's hard for guys to understand, but I think I really needed to get that out.

That evening I forced myself to make dinner plans and stay out of the apt. But when I got back I was asleep as soon as I hit the couch.

AND THAT WAS DAY 2- Less tears, same nausea