Day 15: The spell isn't broken

I just realized I repeated a title twice so I'm sorry that I couldn't come up with anything more clever to say than "a good sign" haha

Anyway, today I had a minor obsessive setback. Ex's sister is officially coming here to visit and I was worried about how he would take things. Plus I accidentally emailed him some of the things I had said to his sister about our breakup, nothing bad, but still embarrassing to be read by him... Don't even ask how I could be so idiotic. So I tried to contact him about it, find out how he's feeling and didn't get a response. It was only a couple of days, but I saw him online for a little bit and figured if he was fine he would have responded to me then. So, assuming the worse and most dramatic scenario as I always do, I skype-texted him to tell him that by not responding to me he was just making me more concerned and he knows how worried I get and surely he wouldn't do that to me on purpose. Well, he responded when he got home and asked how school was..? Um, fine...but back to the topic weighing heavily on my mind, how are you with everything? Still didn't respond and finally when I said I give up, I'll stop asking you about it, he said he "would be okay" Well that doesn't make me feel any better but I know now I can stop obsessing over it, there's nothing more I can do. I offered an understanding, listening ear and if he doesn't want to discuss it so be it.

I wish a relationship-->breakup could be like a magic spell being broken...poof! Gone! Just because we broke up doesn't mean I completely forgot what your schedule is. That's something that worked well for us, I did planning and scheduling and you liked not being responsible for those details. So of course I still remember that you have wing night on Monday's with the guys and a hockey game on Tuesday. That stuff didn't just evaporate from my memory unfortunately. And you know what else doesn't just disappear? The worry and concern. I still find myself concerned with how you're feeling whether it be upset or stressed, overworked, and I want to fix things, talk you through it. It's what I do, I like taking care of and supporting someone. It's a process for me to cut out all of those feelings even more so than the physical and emotional ones I think.

And that was Day 15: Realizing that it really is going to take more than a couple of weeks to work past this.