I've never been good at dealing with emotions. I'm a suppress-er. Then they end up coming out in some unrelated, confusing way. So I think I'm having a hard time with all of my emotions about leaving here and going home. So, today I'm super irritable. And I had a conversation with ex that just didn't help. I don't know if he is a large cause of the irritability or if I'm being overly sensitive because of my emotions about other things buried in there. Like I said, I want to get the computer back, maybe talk a bit, and be done with it. I don't want to go to his apartment. So I offered going to lunch, my treat, for letting me use the computer for so long. He didn't respond. I asked later if he didn't get the message, since he didn't respond, and he still didn't respond. Keep in mind through all of this I've seen him on and off of gmail chat and posting things on facebook. Then, I get an email this morning apologizing because he was busy with family during the first message and tired and out of at the second one?? That sounds like complete bullshit to me. You can't respond to an im and say, sure sounds good, or no let's talk later and figure something else out but you can make 3 status updates about Prison Break?! So needless to say, I was perturbed to start with. Then in the email, he says, "I guess that'd be okay..." Well hell don't let me twist your arm to allow me to pay for your lunch.
So, angrily (which is always a mistake) I im'ed him to say I would just drop the computer off. He said "alright." UGGGHHH annoying effing breeziness! I finally put out there that I was just trying to be nice with the lunch and if he didn't want to no big deal and he said he was "indifferent" I got angry and sarcastic at that point, totally lost my cool ,and went over to Facebook to delete him from my friends list. OOPS. I did warn him in the beginning that I may have to do this for my own well being. Getting over someone isn't easy when you see their facebook activity all the time. So I did it and now I can't take it back. It was probably a bit drastic but I guess maybe it was a good thing to cut that tie. I was way too into what he was doing on facebook and gmail and that's just not necessary and not healthy for me.
So no I'm left at I'm just not doing any more. He knows what day I fly in, if he wants his computer back he can just email or call me and I'll take it by. I'm not putting myself back out there any more to try and be friends or whatever.
And that's day 84- frustrated!
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